During this series, my pastor challenged, convicted and affirmed our parents in their roles of our students. And for those in our church who don't have kids yet like myself, it was great insight for if and when I get there myself.
But not having kids doesn't mean I can't speak into parents lives. Given my age, conversations with students as well as staying up to date with youth culture, there are some things I have an edge on parents when it comes to their students.
Here is my list of 6 things a parent needs to know that their student already knows but sucks at communicating them to you:
1. They know you're not perfect so quit trying so hard.
Guess what? You're not fooling them. The fact that you drop them off at youth group communicates to them that you don't have all the answers. I realize that last sentence seemed cocky and it was but it doesn't make it less true. Read the next sentence slowly and maybe more than once: You are not perfect. There are two examples of a "perfect parent." The first one is our heavenly father and the other is someone who doesn't have kids yet.
2. Because you're not perfect, make room for grace.
The beautiful thing about grace is that it is for everyone. The problem I see with many parents is they struggle with giving their student grace because they struggle with receiving it themselves from God. Do yourself a favor, go back and read point #1 again. I don't care if you've read it three times already. You make your student eat their veggies, I'm making you read that point again!
3. Stop spelling "love" M-O-N-E-Y.
This is a big point for you if you're a dad. We men get great pleasure out of providing for those we love. And yes, provision is a great way to communicate our love. But it can't be the only way we show it and more specifically, we must redefine it. If you're a parent of a child, providing opportunities for them to grow is a very big payoff. If you're a parent of a teenager, providing them with emotional love will pay back dividends!
Confess this right now: The world has more money than I do. If you're a parent who is trying to spell love with money, you are losing your student's love and respect while at the same time living a very bad example that they WILL follow.
If you really believe parenting is one of your primary ministries, then give your student something the world can't give them: Jesus.
I understand you want to give your student the opportunity to play sports and get involved in clubs and activities that all cost money. I know you want them to have nice things and be fashionable. Your students want all of that too. But you must communicate the truth that all of those things come a distant 2nd to your and their commitment to Jesus Christ.
4. Please recognize the fact that you are more of a youth pastor than me.
This should really be #1 but the first 3 points are THAT big. You spend more time with your student than I do. You hear their conversations (we both know you've tapped their cell phone), you know their friends, you see their grades and you listen to their music.
Shame on you if you are not using those conversations, friendships, grades and music as conversation starters for you and them. Shame on you if you allow them to dictate how they should respond to gossip, bad grades and Gaga.
Double portion of shame on you if you don't communicate these things to me or my team to help you combat these issues in their lives with God's truth.
5. Being a parent will be the closest you'll come to being like God.
I see some of you let that point go to your head. I can see it from my house! Being a parent doesn't make you God (although I bet some of your students have heard you say otherwise). Being a parent helps you see things from His perspective.
You have His authority. You have His wisdom. You have His love. You have His grace. You must have His forgiveness. You need His power.
If you wake up thinking you can do any of those without Him, you're abusing them.
6. Recognize you have a team at your church to help you.
When was the last time you met someone on my team for coffee to talk about your student? Do you know the names of those on my team? Could you tell me the #1 reason they want to be on my team? Are you praying for my team? Because we are praying for you.
Did you know we have books that will help you in parenting as well as give you insight on your student? You can check them out for a week at a time!
Allow us to be mediators. We want to be your voice in a different setting. We want to be their voice back to you. My team can't do it without you. You can't do it without us. And if you or I try to do it any other way, guess who suffers?
Your student.
Parenting is YOUR job. Your student is YOUR responsibility. But they are OUR passion.
So stand firm. You are exactly where God wants you to be. The student that is under your roof right now? They won't be for long. So be faithful with the time you have left to instill them everything God is instilling in you. You can do it!
